Week 16: April 20-27th continued... Response to my dear husband & my own fears.

Dear Greg, (and everyone else)

I think that you'll continue to be a fantastic father and that while, yes, this will be challenging, I have faith that you'll be able to balance your time and love between both children.

Who cares what Dani thinks. It's all about you, me and the family that WE build and what we think is best for OUR family. She's always going to come from that "only-child" mentality and bias-ness that we both know she's famous for. It's always going to come down to what's best for her and what's best for Evan. It's never going to be what's best for Evan and his sibling. We've talked about this a few times, and I think I've shown you that we can work together and make sure that both baby and Evan get the time they need from you, from us and from each other.

We've discussed holidays and how I believe that our little family celebrations will happen when we can be together, if their the day before, the day after or the week after (most specifically, Christmas). A holiday is only a holiday when it happens as a family.

As far as addressing Evan's reactions to why baby has to stay with us instead of going and staying with him, I think that's a discussion that you and Dani will have to have together with him, maybe even with his counselor. It may be something to even email and ask the counselor about. At his age, I think he's too young to really grasp the concept that "mommy and daddy were married and now daddy is married to Jenn". I fear he will resent me without ever understanding the true situation... I took his daddy away from his mommy, even though I wasn't even a thought in your mind when the divorce happened.

When it comes to spending time with one child over the other, it's going to happen. There's nothing you can do about that. I think the fear is of neglecting Evan, if I'm not mistaken. Unfortunately, life is not going to stop in our home just because Evan is with his mother. Just like his life doesn't stop when we're apart. He will get to do all sorts of fun things with his mother that our baby won't get to do with Evan-- like his annual Florida trips. And I think that rightfully, Baby will get to do things with us that Evan doesn't get to do. You have to keep these things in perspective.

We'll get to the house eventually. And this new position for me is the first step in getting there.
Don't worry about sleeping through the baby crying to be changed or fed in the middle of the night. I'll be pushing your behind out of bed without hesitation to go and take care of the baby. Besides, I've seen you jolted from a dead sleep several times when Evan has woken up crying--whether its a dream, a wet bed, or because he's sick. I'm not too worried.

My fear is that you'll be critical of me and comparing my mothering skills to your ex at every turn. My fear is that you'll tell me how to do everything because you've been there before, instead of simply letting me be a first time mother and become a mother on my own without the influence of your ex. We've already had run-ins with this already-- with discussing what I'd like to register for... Like the swing! In my opinion, a swing could be a life-saver, but you seem to think otherwise, based on your experience. But on the other hand, you've proven that you will make concessions-- like the ultrasound to find out the baby's sex.

Oh, and when it comes to the getting old and falling apart.. I hear that the hearing clinic at BGSU offers free hearing clinics. But yeah, you are getting old.

Anyway. I love you truely.

(And everyone else that reads this, too!)

love, jenn