Greg's take on this whole thing

So this blog has been up for about two months now, and except for the occasional "that's not a nickname...that's a legume!!!" complaint, I have remained pretty quiet about the whole baby thing.

That's because I just don't know what to say. I've thought about writing something, but I can't think of anything except the negative stuff. Not THAT kind of negative stuff. Just fears.

I'm excited to have do-over at this intact family thing, but that's part of my fear for the future. It's never going to be a completely intact family. There is always going to be Evan, who is definitely part of this family, but I'm afraid that I will have to continually fight to make him an important and involved part.

I'm afraid of being accused by either Jenn or Dani that I'm not paying enough attention to one child or another and showing preference for one over the other. How do I balance that? How do I deal with that? How do I give my all to both without the other child getting mad at me because I'm spending more time with the other.

I'm more afraid of Evan's reaction to that because I don't want to have to answer the "why does Baby Buddha (if you don't like the nickname come up with a better one that ISN'T a fruit or vegetable!!!!) live with you all of the time and I don't. Why can't I spend that much time with you?"

Evan's mom and I got divorced when he was 1. This kind of "Wednesdays and every other weekend with daddy" schedule is all he knows. He doesn't know what it means to wake up every morning with mommy and daddy there. Maybe I'll make her explain it to him.

I'm afraid that we are going to be stuck in this mobile home for longer than I want to be. Trailer park living isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I would LOVE to have a home to grow into, and allow the kids to play in our own yard, and turn half the basement into a shop, half the basement into a play room for the kids, and half of the basement into a rock and roll play land for the drums, guitars, rock and roll posters, and whatever other instruments we acquire throughout the years, let the kids have their own bedrooms, and turn one room into a library/study.

But with the economy and the housing market like it is, and the bills we owe, it's going to be a long time till we get there.

I'm afraid that I'm going to let Jenn down. I can sleep through my own alarm. She's going to have to kick me out of bed to get me to feed and change diapers in the middle of the night.

We have lots to do before the baby comes. We have a dishwasher to install, a shed to move (maybe), a deck to tear down, redesign and rebuild, a living room to rearrange so we can bring some of the stuff in the kids' bedroom out to make room for baby furniture, and lots of baby furniture to buy and set up.

Jenn has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and we'll be scheduling the "big 3-D ultrasound" tomorrow. So I'm sure there will be an update to follow.

This week, I get my first cavity filled. 33 and my first cavity. I was driving home from a meeting tonight and had Kiss cranked up on my Zune. I hit "Heaven's on Fire" and tried to turn it up more to rock out, and realized that crap...my stereo was already turned up all the way.

Apparently, I hit 33 and I'm falling apart. That kind of scares me, too, with a new baby on the way.

After all of that, you probably think I'm an absolute mess and not ready to be a full-time dad again. But be assured, I am very much looking forward to meeting this little baby and teaching him or her how to talk and walk and use manners and make the "rock on" hand gesture, and teach him or her about 80s hair bands, back when rock and roll was kick-ass.

In other business, as Jenn has mentioned, we sent Evan to a new school. I got the following e-mail from my dad today (April 22). It has been cut down and the name of the school has been changed to prevent any slander, even though I absolutely believe it is true. The information came from a woman (who I will call April), who inspects schools and makes sure they follow the state curriculum mandates. She sent her child (who I will call Bobby), to the the same day care company, but in a different city than Evan went. We thought when Evan was still going there that he had been labeled as the "bad kid," and that he could never make his teacher happy, no matter what he did.

Now that I've belabored the crap out of that introduction, here's what my dad wrote:

I was told that Evan's former teacher has now targeted another child who does not meet her standards. It seems that her background was at a Montessori school and she expects them to act, react and behave like 8-10 year olds and they have advised her that the curriculum is not as structured and she should relax her methods a bit.

Also dealing with the internal structure of (the school)... Bobby has been 'written up" for biting and other improper behavior. On Thursday, April received a voice mail that Bobby had bitten someone again. The only problem was that Bobby had been suspended for the week on Tuesday and April's mom had been watching him. Seems the teacher didn't seem to know one kid from the other and there is only one Bobby in any of the (company's) schools.

So yeah for me and Dani for correctly choosing to get him out of there!!!! Thanks to Heidi, Mom and Dad Bruns and my mom and dad for ensuring me that we weren't crazy for thinking he was being singled out ... even though I probably am, and my ex wife definitely is!!!

TTFN,
- An excited but worried daddy